"Santa's Makeover"
‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through my house,
Every creature was stirring, each dog, kid, and mouse.
The kids ran amuck, fueled by excitement and candy
(About now, some Benedryl would come in quite handy!)
The presents are wrapped, well, most of the lot,
And I was sitting here wondering who I forgot.
I fought all the crowds in search of a deal,
I’ve fixed salads and cookies for the pre-Christmas meal.
The house is not clean, but not too dirty either
And I decided it was time to sit down for a breather.
When what to my dozy eyes should appear
But a cool looking sleigh pulled by 8 well-groomed reindeer.
The man that jumped out was no jolly old elf,
My jaw dropped when I saw him, in spite of my self.
He was dressed in Armani from his head to his toes,
Not a speck of ash could be seen on his clothes.
His skin was all tan, like a native Hawaiian
His muscles were flexed, without even tryin’.
His hair was dyed black, cut and gelled to perfection
It seems dear old Santa’s had a change of direction.
I cleared my throat and he looked over my way
He winked and I blushed, hey, what can I say?
The fat, red old Santa, this guy’s certainly NOT
I have to admit, this St. Nick sure is hot!
When I asked him what caused change in such a degree,
He admitted to watching reality t.v.
Seems that during the year, he let the elves all take over
And Santa flew to Hollywood for a serious makeover.
Even the gifts that he brought were just way too much
All iPods and gift cards and cell phones and such.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
Then tossing his bangs like some super-cool skater,
He winked and he said “Hey Babe, Catch you later.”
My heart skipped a beat as up the chimney he flew,
And I ran to the window—trust me, you would have too.
And I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a wicked cool night!
1 comment:
Made me laugh again. Some of your best work!
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