What is it about January that puts us all on diets?
Is it the average 7 pounds each American gains over the holidays? Is it the pressure of a year ending where none of us were as good as we wanted to be and we're determined to do better? The constant weight-watchers, Bow-Flex, and HCG diet commercials I see on t.v. would indicate to me that I am not the only one who gets caught up in all of this crap.
To be perfectly honest, 2009 was not a good year for me in the weight department. For the first time since I lost the 50 pounds a few years ago, I put 12 of it back on in the course of the year.
It makes me sick.
It was so easy to put on and, after a lifetime of this same war, I know how hard it's going to be to take it off.
I've put the whole family back on the wagon. (If mamma ain't eatin' no cookies then ain't no one eatin' no cookies!) I purged out all of the leftover chocolate and other crap. I filled the fridge with veggies, fruit, lowfat yogurt and cottage cheese. I'm trying to remember how to cook stuff that's not fried.
I'm hungry, dammit! And what's more, Layne is dropping pounds like flies and in 4 long days, I've actually GAINED a half a pound. (And no, it is NOT muscle.)
I am resigned that this is my lot in life. It's not so different from the war on terrorism-- as long as there are chocolate chip cookies, Doritos and mint truffles in this world, my battle will continue.
I have waited and prayed for my whole life for this weakness to be turned to strength (think me turning into Jillian Michaels from Biggest Loser), but now I am just praying for strength enough to get through each weak day.
It's about endurance. It's about committment. It's about faith. And ultimately, it's about forgiveness and the realization that this particular weakness was GIVEN to me by a Heavenly Father who needed some way to tie my rebellious soul to Him.
My goal is 25 pounds by my first century ride in May.
Well, after getting on the scale this morning, I guess it's more like 25 and a half.
Oh crap. Here we go again...
2 comments:
I like your pun on "weak day". You always are so witty. I too understand this struggle. 2009 was actually a little more successful for me than any year since I started having kids. . . . the difference? Well, one--not getting pregnant but more importantly working on my daily realationship with God! This was by far one of the most difficult years of my life and it drove me to my knees in a way I haven't been since my mission somewhere intertwined with asking God for help in all areas of my life I found some help in this area too. The test will be if and when my burdens lighten I continue to adhear to all I've learned and keep myself in check. . . .in all things!
It does suck.
I get it.
I am up five from the holidays, and all I want to eat is cookies.
If I see another carrot stick I am going to puke.
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