"But I'm Still Little"

Today Doug was looking at our old scripture readers and asking me why we don't use them anymore to read scriptures. Without thinking, I answered, "Because you guys got bigger and now we read the real Book of Mormon together."

To which he answered,

"But Mom, I'm still little."

Talk about rip your heart out.

I've been thinking about it all day. My baby son, of course you're still little. You probably always will be to me-- even when you're six foot three. You've always acted like you were just one of the big kids-- and I've treated you all the same. You seemed to want it that way and it assuaged my own guilt for lumping you all in together and maybe missing the "little-ness" of my baby.

And I thought this:

Snapshots

You only hold my hand
When the Big Kids are at school.
We walk, you reach up;
Your small hand is exquisite
In miniature perfection.

I see you growing
With nearly every step.
Each day changing,
Evolving, becoming
What will you be?

My dreams for you
Involve perfection—
I know it is not fair.
And yet, each day
You provide me
With countless perfect moments.

The smile you flash
When you think that
What you just did, I did not see;
Your arms wrapped around my neck
In a thoughtless, priceless embrace;
The way your eyelashes
Nestle on your still
Slightly-chubby cheek;
And the quiet sigh you breathe
As you lay curled and sleeping.

The pleasure of my motherhood
Is found in these small moments,
Their poignant beauty captured
On the film of my heart.
To be kept and pondered upon
When someday you grow too big
To ever hold my hand.