The Black Friday Assault

I did what I swore I'd never do again. I did Black Friday.

My first time was last year. I called it Black and Blue Friday, if that gives you an idea of what kind of experience it was.

I wasn't planning on going-- it never even crossed my mind.

That is, until my sisters and mom all started looking at the ads after Thanksgiving dinner. I started to feel a little twinge inside. I can only describe it as similar to what I used to feel before pitching a fast pitch softball game. And then I knew.

Black Friday shopping is a sport.

I was still resisting, until Layne started to make comments about going with me. That has never happened before, and suddenly, a plan was born.

We shipped some kids of to my parents house and left a few home with the oldest cousins. And then the fun began.

Nicole and I were accompanied this year by both of our husbands-- who got progressively funnier and consequently more embarrassing as the night progressed.

Toys R Us was starting their sale at midnight, so we drove over to Orem. So did the rest of Utah Valley. We got there an hour early and the line was already around the block, so we went for plan B. We drove to WalMart and went to scope out the goods there so we'd be ready for our 5 a.m. assault.

In the toys, we found a Lego astronaut. Jared decided to do a little re-arranging of some of his parts. I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out.

That was about 1:00 am. Old Navy didn't open until 3, so we went back to Nicole's house for an hour's rest. I crashed on the couch, while Layne and Jared appropriately enough watched Beavis and Butthead on t.v. Come 2:15 and we were at it again.

Here's the Old Navy line. The first 30 people in line got Lego Rock Band free with a $25 purchase-- it was nuts. There were a lot of crazy teenagers in that line-- I think they might have been the same annoying crowd that was in the vampire movie with us. (I'm absolutely certain my friends and I were not nearly that stupid when we were that age.)

I didn't have anything on my list at Old Navy, so we just helped Nicole. Jared and Layne got in the checkout line first thing. Nicole and I ran around looking for her items and trying to find them before the boys got to the front of the line. We were a well-oiled shopping machine.

Kohl's was next at 4:00. I had a big list here. However, we got there at 3:20 and I was too chicken to stand in the cold for 45 minutes. We decided to chance it and sit in the car until it was almost time. We played Scrabble--I kicked butt.

Kohl's did not go so well. Our gamble cost me, as there was only one thing on my list still there by the time we got in. We also got stuck in line behind two of the dumbest people I've ever met who were trying to get Kohl's credit cards and bounce checks.

After Kohl's, we went to WalMart-- the holy grail of Black Friday. Thanks to our earlier recon, we knew just where to go. They had pallets of the good deals all wrapped in plastic, guarded by unfortunate employees. We all picked an item to stand by and dug in for 45 minutes. At 4:59 by my watch, a bell rang and all hell broke loose.

I was trying to get $7 snow boots, along with all of these people:

I was lucky, and found a pair of size 13 boots for Doug. Without getting mauled. Nicole was not as lucky. She got the games she wanted, but got shoved into a cart in the process. She might get a purple heart. Our husbands muscled their way in for a few MP3 players. Then we all ran for the check out line which looked like this:

We were about 6th in line, thanks to Nicole's mad dash. However, the first person in line was a moron who was actually price checking every item he had. He took FOREVER! When he finally left, our whole line erupted in applause.

We had a frustrating trip to Target-- by far the longest lines of the morning, and then a successful trip to Game Stop where we ran out of energy. And money.

We'd been up for 24 hours, drank nearly a whole case of diet coke and eaten a bag of jerkey for breakfast. (Pause to vomit.) However, we found nearly everything we were looking for and honestly had a great time. Don't know if I'll ever get Layne to go again, though....

Kim's Rules of Order

I've been in a blog-bog lately. Nothing good to say, so I've kept my keyboard silent.

(Actually, I've been reading. A lot. Like thousands and thousands of pages. I'll post a review soon.)

Anyway, I've been bothered by something recently that I wanted to throw out to the cyber world. It goes like this.

There are unwritten rules of personal and social behavior. I've been noticing too many of them being ignored lately-- so in an attempt to remedy that, I'm WRITING them down.

Thus let it be written, thus let it be done...

1. You should respect and maintain the bubble of personal space for all people around you.

Case in point. My sister and I went to see that vampire movie the other night. (We'll save most of that topic for another post.) There was a 14 year old boy sitting next to my sister. He had come to said vampire movie WITH HIS MOTHER. (We'll also leave that topic for another day.) This kid was obnoxious. He was sprawled all over the place-- feet, legs, hands. He actually PUT UP the arm rest between him and my sister, in order to take more of her space.

Where is the Taser when you need one?

When you are sitting in a seat-- be it a movie theater, stadium, or the back of a car, you should pretend that there are walls in between you and the people next to you and keep all of your crap (arms, legs, feet, coats, stinky breath, etc) confined in that space.

2. You should not stop to chat with people (be they live or on your phone) while you are in a flow of traffic. I'm not just referring to cars-- I'm also talking about the morons who stop their shopping carts right in the middle of the store aisle and just ignore the fact that everyone has to wait or go around them.

3. When sitting in a movie, ballgame, play or restaurant, you should keep your conversation at a decibel that only the people who care have to listen to you talk.

For instance, last night, Layne and I went to a Jazz game. There was a group of people behind us who thought that the whole section would like to hear about their co-worker who got sick and blah, blah, blah. I was really hoping that the Jazz Bear would come and spray them with silly string.

4. Speaking of things that you shouldn't do in movies or theaters, the suggestion to turn off your cell phones during the movie applies to EVERYONE-- not just EVERYONE ELSE. Again with the vampire movie-- the girls in front of us kept taking pictures of the half-naked werewolf boy on the movie screen and texting them to their dumb little friends.

Wish I would have had their cell numbers. I would have gotten up and gone in the hall and texted to them "Turn off your phone, morons." (Did you notice the get up and go in the hall part???)

5. Tied closely to this one, if you bring candy into the theater, open it BEFORE the event starts. The only thing more obnoxious than the guy who rips open his bag of chocolate covered raisins quickly is the guy who is trying to be sneaky about it and takes 15 minutes to get in the bag, thinking that he's being quiet.

Sat by that guy at Wicked. Nearly grabbed his box of Nestle Crunch bites and opened them for him.

6. Flush. Need I say more?

I'm sure there are more, but those are my top pet peeves right now. If you could all please print them and post them on every bathroom stall door that you are unfortunate enough to use, we'd all be better off.

Especially if everyone obeyed #6.

Lucy the Cow

There are some really funny things about being part of a family. Everyone has them-- you know the jokes that only family members get?

I was reminded of one of ours tonight as we drove home from my parents' house. A few early birds are starting to turn on their Christmas lights-- especially the ones in Highland and Alpine who pay people to put them up. (Guess I might turn them on every chance I got too if I paid good money to have them hung!)

Anyway, like the rest of the kids in the country, when the lights start to go on, our kids try to spot them first and they keep score for the entire drive. However, what makes this game different for our family is that when they see the lights, they yell out "Lucy the Cow!"

What does that have to do with Christmas lights (or anything else), you ask?

Years ago, my kids were fascinated by the idea that I could speak Portuguese, as I served a mission there. They would often ask me how to say words or phrases. One of the things they wanted me to translate was "Christmas lights." I told them "luz de Natal", which is roughly pronounced "Looz jee natow". Which sounded to little children like "Lucy the cow".

Thus a family joke was born.

They don't remember any other thing I've tried to teach them in Portuguese, (except for how to say "Peidei" (pay-day'), which means "I farted"-- go figure) but every year, come the first bright lights of Christmas, "Lucy the Cow" comes to stay for the season.

Welcome back, Lucy!

My New Favorite Toy

This is my new favorite toy. Well, actually it is Layne's toy, but it's still my favorite. It's a Kindle and it's the coolest thing ever.

This thing can hold like 1500 books. It weighs much less than a normal book. Some books on it are free and the rest cost like a third of normal. Those are all cool things, but there is one more feature that has earned it's status as New Favorite Toy. (Well, not to mention the fact that the old favorite toy, my iPhone, is on the fritz.) The Kindle reads to me.

Reading a book and feeling guilt because I should be folding the clothes? No problem-- Kindle reads to me WHILE I do my work-- right from the place I was reading.

Gave up reading while driving in college (I know, we're all grateful for that), but now I can just plug it into my car stereo and we all stay safe.

Riding on the trainer has been , well, less sucky for the past couple of days-- I actually finished before wanting to slit my wrists because it was 30 minutes of uninterrupted story.

Layne wants to go to bed and I don't want him to realize that I'm still reading? Plug in the earphones and listen in the dark.

I'm a third of the way through the second Mistborn book, written by Brandon Sanderson. Who happens to have the #1 New York Times best seller right now. And he and his family just moved into our ward. How cool is that?

The only really sad thing about this whole experience is that when Layne bought the Kindle (for him), he offered to buy one for me too at the same time. I thought it looked kind of stupid, so I told him not to bother.

Man, I'm an idiot.

So is he, I guess, because he knew better-- whenever he gets something cool (carbon bike, iPod, iPhone), he automatically orders two. Now he has to order another one. For him.

Thanks, Honey.

Happy Birthday, My Beautiful Daughter

Ten years ago today, I embarked upon the never-ending journey of Motherhood. I had no idea what joy, sorrow, laughter, tears, sunshine, and storms I held in my arms!

There is something incredible about having a daughter. In many ways, looking at Emalee is like looking into some kind of magic mirror which shows me my past, my present and both of our futures all at once.

The Past

In so many ways, Emalee's childhood has been much like mine. Physically, she is one of the tallest in her grade, just like I always was-- and I see her deal with that awkwardness in much the same manner that I did-- although I think that she owns it much better than I did. I'm glad-- it has taken me years and years to realize the advantages in being tall.

She is also very smart-- which also causes her to stand out a little bit. She reads super fast-- also like her mother-- I think that she has my same impatientness (is that a word) to get to the end. I hope that she's not as anxious as I was to just be grown up.

The Present

Sometimes I find myself being harder on her than I am the boys, and I think that it is because she is so much like me-- including some of my weaknesses. When I get after her, I have to stop myself and ask if it is really her that I am upset with, or if it is myself. Sometimes it is not a pretty picture. I think Heavenly Father made things this way to show us that, if we can love our carbon copy children (faults and all), maybe we can love ourselves too-- or at least stop being so hard on ourselves!

The Future

Emalee is so talented, beautiful, responsible, and kind-- I know that she can do anything that she sets her mind to do. It is hard for me to wait to find out what wonderful things she will do. I guess that's part of the parenthood lesson as well-- learning to be patient enough to enjoy the wonderful things that they ARE doing right now...

Happy Birthday, my Beautiful Daughter. Thank you for making me the luckiest mother in the world.

Chocolate Review

For a long time, we all lived quite happily with plain old Hershey's Kisses and M&M's. Sure, there were the peanut variety (of M&M's, that is), but for the most part, that was it.

Then things got creative, and like any artistic endeavors, some of their creations were better than others.

For instance, today I got suckered into buying Irish Creme flavored Hershey's Kisses. Bad call on my part. They are horrible. As are the caramel ones, the orange creme ones, pumpkin spice, vanilla yogurt, and hot cocoa. As I have a general aversion to chocolate paired with any fruit, I'd have to say all of the fruity ones-- strawberry, raspberry and caramel apple are also disgusting.

The ones with almonds are good-- as are the mint ones and the white chocolate hugs and truffles. But all in all, I'll take the plain ones any day over all of these.

I think that M&M's have faired a little better with the experimentation. I love the almond ones. The peanut butter ones are pretty good and the Mint ones are one of the only reasons to look forward to the winter. The dark chocolate ones are also good. But, who in their right mind came up with those terrible peanut butter and jelly ones? THAT was a bad idea.

However, when it comes right down to it, I'd rather have a big ole bowl of regular old peanut M&Ms.

Maybe there is something to the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Who knows? Maybe they'll come up with something fantastic-- I'll probably keep trying them just to see. But please take my word and leave those Irish Creme ones on the shelf.

Grab the plain ones instead.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I never knew that it was going to be so hard to be a mom.

I suppose in a way, that is a tribute to my mother. She made it look easy and fun. She always wanted us around and was a good friend.

My mom raised 5 girls, plus some of our friends. That is amazing to me-- as being the mother to one girl is incredibly challenging for me.

We're dealing with mean girl issues right now. Now, I'll be the first to admit that my little angel may not be 100% innocent in this situation-- but according to her and her friends, they really aren't at fault here. Be that as it may, all of the girls are getting in trouble with the teacher and the administration.

I want to beat this little stinker. At very least, I want to call her mother. What do I do in a situation like this? Where is the manual for raising girls?

I told Emalee that the really sad thing is that it doesn't really get much better. As evidenced by my own little issues last week, even some grown-up girls can be mean.

I told her to do her best for a couple of days to ignore the little s$*#, and if this girl purposely tries to find her and her friends to give them problems, to let me know. I'll turn on the mama-bear mode and kick butt while takin' names.

Or maybe I should just go back to my plan from last week and move some place where no one knows us. Nothing like teaching your kids to run away from their problems...

Wanted: Fashion Advice

So, as part of my going back to work experiment, I decided I had to buy some new clothes. We'll say that it's because all I owned was jeans and sweatshirts, but there might be something to the 8 pounds that have mysteriously stuck themselves to me over the last year or so.

For whatever reason, I have purchased the first pairs of dress pants I've owned in I don't know how long. Actually I do-- my daughter turns 10 next week, so I'd say it's been roughly a decade.

Anyhoo, I found these pants at Kohls that I love because they look good, they're comfortable, AND they come in TALLS. I bought black, brown and navy.

Herein lies my problem: I don't know what shoes to wear with the navy ones, as I definitely do not own a pair of navy shoes. (Once upon a time I did, but they disappeared sometime when I was on my mission. Go figure.)

I am such a fashion moron-- can anyone give me a clue here?

Spiral Staircases

I don't know why, but it feels like this year has gone by really quickly-- it seems like I was just in fall-- enjoying the leaves and dreading the approaching winter. And suddenly, I find myself here again.

I think that it has to do with my blog.

When you document so many of the events and thoughts of your life, they become more a part of you than just fleeting moments. The act of recording them in a way that you want others to read about them makes them even more real somehow.

Take for instance my bike ride yesterday afternoon. I knew that I should be doing other things, but I couldn't resist the beautiful fall weather, so I ditched my life and rode hard. As I was riding, I was mentally composing my blog, when I realized that I'd said this all before.

That lead me to wonder why I haven't been blogging much lately-- and, in spite of my excuse of being too busy, it really comes down to the fact that I just don't have anything new to say.

I sat down and reviewed through my blog posts over the last year, and my impression is that I feel like I've lived the same year twice.

I guess that in naming my blog "Life Cycles", I was unwittingly defining the tendency of life to go round and round. (I actually chose the name just to show that I would like to spend more of my life riding my bike!)

There is something discouraging about the idea of living in "Groundhog Day". (Everyone remember that movie?) However, without getting too deep (it's only Tuesday, for Pete's Sake!) I have to hope that instead of my life being like a bicycle crank-- continuously circling around the same point, that it is more three dimensional than that. Maybe it's more like a spiral staircase, where even though I am still going around in circles, I am getting higher with each revolution.

Granted, some years show more upward progress than others, but even a little bit of up is better than nothing, right?