Why I'll Never Win the Megabucks

While I was in Vegas, I kept thinking about what it would be like to win the MegaBucks. It was at $11 million -- not "overdue" for a hit. Layne put in a few bucks anyway and, of course, didn't win.

I can't bring myself to play the slots since my unfortunate win a few years ago. When I was 19 (that's a few, yes?), a friend and I drove to Reno. We did some (not all) of the things that our mothers feared. We drove 120 mph on the freeway. We hung out with boys we didn't know. And, I started playing the nickel slots. I realized that I was underage and could get in trouble. I thought I looked older than 19, though, so I continued. Until I won.

The machine lit up, a siren went off and, unfortunately for me, the machine didn't have enough nickels in it for the pay out. A casino employee came toward me and I was sure I was in for it. I could just see how mad my parents would be when they had to come bail me out. Lucky for me, I really did look older than 19 and the employee just came and payed out the win.

That was the last time I have ever gambled. (For money, that is.)

Back to the MegaBucks. It got me thinking, what would I do with $11 million? Here's a bit of my list:

1. Buy the house through the block. It has an awesome master suite and built-in iPod docks and speakers in every room. Plus, it has an extra garage for all of our bikes!

2. I don't think that you can pay tithing on gambling winnings, but I bet the church wouldn't turn down a really big missionary donation! Wouldn't that be ironic-- using devil money to send out missionaries?

3. Buy more bikes. For everyone I know. Really cool carbon ones. Probably pink.

4. Buy me a car that doesn't have squeaky brakes. Heaven help me, I just had them replaced and they are still squeaking.

5. Randomly send out money to people that I know. How cool would it be to just open up an envelope and have $100 bills fall out of the envelope? I'd have to keep my winning a secret so that no one would know it was me-- that would ruin the fun.

6. Lyposuction. I'd just give up on this whole diet thing and suck out all of the fat. I know, that's vain and all that, but seriously-- I've been stuck at pretty much the same weight for 2 years, no matter what I do. If I'm going to be stuck at a certain weight, it might as well be 20 pounds lighter, yes?

7. Take some of my favorite people to Italy for a couple of weeks. I've been really missing their pizza and gelato.

What I realize as I make this list is how lucky I really am. I guess blessed is a better word than lucky. I can't think of one thing to put on this list that I really need-- in fact, I had to think pretty hard to come up with 7 silly things to even want.

Layne's right.

I am spoiled.