Please Wait While Norton Fixes Your Problems

After my unfortunate email incident from last weekend, I decided to update my Norton anti-virus program. I let it lapse when the free trial period ended a couple of months ago-- bad plan on my part.

Anyway, it is taking a long time to get updated, and meanwhile, the program is displaying this message: "Please Wait While Norton Fixes Your Problems."

I have two thoughts about that message-- Number 1: that is totally awesome, and Number 2: no wonder it is taking so long. Here are a few of the problems that I hope old Norton fixes(whomever he may be):

1. The floor is coming up by the tub in the kids' bathroom. Thanks for taking care of that.

2. My lawn needs mowed and I'm too lazy. ( I don't really care if you take care of the lawn or give me more energy-- either way works for me.)

3. The brakes are still squeaking on my van, even though they've already been replaced. (Maybe this isn't so much a problem as an endearing characteristic of my vehicle. I mean endearing in the same way as my kids spitting toothpaste all over the bathroom counter is endearing. Seriously-- can't we at least TRY to hit the sink?)

4. While we're at it, let's clean the kids' bathroom. It's obviously a problem for me and for them.

5. This might take more RAM than my computer has, but could you do something about the stock market and economy? It's kind of getting to be a bummer.

I'm pretty sure Norton has stalled out and I'm gonna have to reboot. Must have been number 2.